Y2K? This company is prepared

Imagine my surprise at learning, while sifting through my mail at home, that my title had been changed from Editor-in-Chief of IndustryWeek to that of Year 2000 Project Manager of Brandt, John Inc. Yet there it was on an envelope containing a Year 2000 Supplier Readiness Survey. As a public service, then, I am issuing this statement of my personal Y2K compliance: Is your senior management aware and supportive of Year 2000 needs? Senior execs at Brandt, John Inc. are not only aware, they have been planning a millennium party -- er, conference -- for some time now. And while Hong Kong, Paris, and London already are overbooked, the Margaritaville Resort & Conference Center still has reservations available. Officers of the company hope to avoid all Y2K issues with an extended visit to the island state of mind on or around Dec. 31, 1999. Have you identified the scope and effort requirements to address Year 2000 issues? The original code for Brandt, John Inc.s primary operating system was written during the 1950s in standard DNA, before COBOL or FORTRAN came into widespread use. Though less efficient than subsequent computer languages, DNA does allow limited processing of four-digit numbers, particularly as they relate to batting averages and mutual-fund losses. Are the computer systems that support your product/service Year 2000 ready? Brandt, John Inc.s enterprise-wide applications are SPOUSE 1.0 and JOB 8.3, both of which are now more fully Y2K compliant than the primary operating system, which tends to stall during heavy data-processing periods such as budget season and family get-togethers. Bolt-on applications DAUGHTER 6.0 and SON 2.0, while requiring more resources than originally anticipated, have been compliant since installation. Note: GOLFSWING 98, installed earlier this summer along with a considerable investment in titanium hardware, appears to work no better than the 32 previous releases of this crash-prone application. Though not material to Y2K concerns, problems with GOLFSWING could prevent the corporation from achieving its goal of entering the SENIORPGATOUR market on the 50th anniversary of its founding. To what extent are your external auditors monitoring your effort? External auditors of Brandt, John Inc. believe that the company is well positioned to manage Y2K concerns. Indeed, though the companys physical assets continue to depreciate at an alarming rate (consultants have recommended an internal restructuring including the addition of FIBER 1.0 and access restrictions on SINGLEMALT@11pm. com, which tends to override the companys neural network), the DNA operating system and its primary applications appear flexible enough for any reprogramming required by a new millennium. Pauses in performance caused by a certain wistfulness at the approaching close of a century seem to be within normal limits and need not negatively impact the corporations performance. Thank you for your continued patronage. Send e-mail messages to John Brandt at [email protected]