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Manufacturing's Last Gasp [SATIRE]

The Onion is a satirical, fictitious news organization and all content should be read with one's tongue firmly in cheek, especially on the eve of Manufacturing Day, a day on which we can all celebrate the stength of U.S. manufacturing.

The Onion reports that Americans overwhelmingly hope for a chance to say goodbye to the country's ailing manufacturing sector.

"The manufacturing sector used to be so active and healthy that I guess I thought it would always be there—but now, I’d give anything just to pay my last respects before it’s gone forever,” Henry West of Canton, Mass. tells The Onion.

Alison Panetta of Akron, Ohio regrets not bidding the family farming sector farewell, and doesn't want to make the same mistake with U.S. industry.

 “I have all these wonderful memories from back when the conveyor belts were constantly running, shifts were working around the clock, and it seemed like the manufacturing sector was just so full of life, but now, I can barely recognize it at all,” Panetta says. “At this point, I’ve accepted that it isn’t going to get any better. I just want to enjoy what little time we still have left.”

Read the full report, "Nation Longs For One More Day With Dying Manufacturing Sector," on The Onion, America's finest news source.


Check out IndustryWeek's complete coverage of Manufacturing Day 2014.

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