New Stock Market Terminology

Now that the stock market is back down to 1997 levels, some friends of mine in the banking sector sent this example of gallows humor over.

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my investments have made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life, in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- ***** who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The 20-day period after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO! -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo! @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past-year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.