My Readers are Idiots

April 1, 2016
The people who read these blogs are either stupid or brain dead. Or maybe there’s a third possibility.

After pondering replies I landed from one of last month’s blogs I wrote, I have concluded that readers of my blogs just don’t get it. That is, I am realizing that no matter how much and how well I explain the sound logic and compelling rationale for implementing enterprise and corporate performance management (EPM/CPM) methods and business analytics, my blog’s readers are just not intelligent enough or mature enough to understand any of the methods and how they integrate together for synergy.

And since my blog’s readers can’t understand the benefits to improving organizational performance from applying strategy maps, a balanced scorecard, customer profitability reporting and analysis using activity-based costing, driver-based rolling financial forecasts, and other EPM/CPM methods, then anything I try to explain is simply beyond their mental reach. My readers are hopeless.

Examples of My Blog Readers as Idiots

When I describe a strategy map and its associated key performance indicators (KPIs) displayed in a balanced scorecard, my blog readers think that their use is just so their executives can receive higher bonuses. My readers are clueless that those KPIs align their workforce’s actions and priorities with achieving the strategy of their executive team.

When I explain the importance of measuring and managing channel and customer profitability using activity-based costing principles, my readers are baffled. They think that information is only for the accountants. They have no clue that customers are the source of value creation that increases their company’s profits.

When I explain that each EPM/CPM method should be embedded with business analytics, my blog readers’ eyes glaze over from incomprehension. It is almost so laughable, I could cry. Most of my readers took a statistics course in college and just wanted a passing grade and to be done with it. When you mention to them terms like regression, correlation, segmentation, or clustering, they think those techniques are only for “data scientists.”

When I write about business intelligence (BI), my readers do not think that the words “business” and “intelligence” belong in the same sentence. My readers think that operating a business does not require being intelligent. They believe that managing a business is all about power and that their managers simply hound them to squeeze results from them.

And who are the hucksters causing the confusion about business analytics? Of course, it is the consultants and software vendors. I appeal to my blog readers. Don’t be conned by them. The software vendors offering business analytics functionality have designed them for Ph.Ds. Normal users cannot understand how to use the software. And consultants allegedly claiming to help their clients use business analytics typically have just read a book on statistics before starting the project.

My Blog Readers are Fools

In short, my blog’s readers are fools.

And if you believe all that I have just written about you, my readers, string in sequence the first letter of the first nine words of this blog to see what it spells. A-P-R-I-L-F-O-O-L. And that is you.

About the Author

Gary Cokins | Founder and CEO

Gary Cokins is the founder and CEO of Analytics-Based Performance Management LLC at located in Cary, North Carolina. He is an internationally recognized expert, speaker, and author in advanced cost management and performance improvement systems.

After earning an industrial engineering degree from Cornell University in 1971 and an MBA from Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, Cokins began his career as a financial controller and operations manager with FMC-LinkBelt Corp. For 15 years, he was a consultant at Deloitte, KPMG Peat Marwick, and Electronic Data Systems (EDS), where he headed EDS's Cost Management Consulting Services. He recently concluded a 16-year career with SAS, a leader in business analytics and enterprise performance management software.

He was the lead author of the acclaimed An ABC Manager's Primer (ISBN 0-86641-220-4), sponsored by the Institute of Management Accountants (IMA). His Activity-Based Cost Management: An Executive's Guide (ISBN 0-471-44328-X) recently ranked as the best-selling book of 151 titles on the topic. His other books include Activity-Based Cost Management: Making It Work (ISBN 0-7863-0740-4) and Activity-Based Cost Management in Government (ISBN 1-056726-110-8). His latest books are Performance Management: Finding the Missing Pieces to Close the Intelligence Gap (ISBN 0-471-57690-5) and Performance Management: Integrating Strategy Execution, Methodologies, Risk, and Analytics (ISBN 978-0-470-44998-1).

Cokins participates and serves on a number of committees, including the AICPA, CIMA, CAM-I, the International Federation of Accountants (IFAC), and the Institute of Management Accountants (IMA). He can be reached at [email protected].

Sponsored Recommendations

Voice your opinion!

To join the conversation, and become an exclusive member of IndustryWeek, create an account today!